A Near Death Experience

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A Near Death Experience

It was 1994. I was living with a man who was an active alcoholic, and what is called a "mean drunk." I was working at a group home, the 2nd shift, so I got home from work about 11:30 PM. He was already drinking, and wanted me to go out with him to buy more. He wanted me to go because I was the one who had a job and who had the money. But I was so tired, and said I did not want to go. I offered him my ATM card, but instead he threw a fit.

It is sort of blurry now, all that happened. But we got into an argument about going out for alcohol, and the next thing I know, he was hitting me and choking me. I couldn't get enough air. I remember yelling at him, "I can't breathe!" and him saying, "I don't care." I started to black out. I was terrified. I just knew, this was it, I was going to die. I was so scared that he would kill me, then take off and leave my cats to starve. I didn't know who would find me or how my mother would find out.

Suddenly, I was fine. I had the thought, "I am okay now. I don't have to breathe anymore." And I didn't have to. I was in the presence of this immense light. It was so huge, and so pure, and so perfect. The only word to describe it is LOVE. Total, pure, perfect LOVE. To call it God doesn't even work. Because what this being was, was totally beyond all language. It was like, once you would call it God, you are limiting it somehow, putting labels on it, trying to get it to fit in a certain box.

Anyway, after what seemed like a really long time but what was probably just a few seconds, I got a thought clear as a bell in my head, "If you want to live, go for his eyes." My hands were free, and I had been trying to get his hands off my throat but he was stronger than I was and I couldn't do it. All of a sudden I had a surge of energy, even though I couldn't see anything, or hear anything, or even breathe yet. I was not scared, but I knew what to do. I took my hands and found his eyes. And as soon as I did, he let go of my throat to grab my hands. But I could breathe.

I am not sure why he decided to let me go. But he did, and I got away from him, and out of the apartment. This is the end of the NDE part of the story, but not the end of the story. I can't tell the beginning without telling the rest of it. I left the apartment, and walked to the police station, which was only a few blocks away. I had told him if he wasn't gone when I got back, I would have the police remove him. I was living in Schenectady, New York, at the time, which is about 3 hours north of New York City. The police called the paramedics and called my mother.

The paramedics wanted me to go to the Emergency Room, but said that I was fine if I just wanted to go to my own doctor in the morning. They gave me ice for a giant bump on my head, which I don't know how I got. My mother took me back to my apartment, and he was gone. The apartment was a disaster. The TV was on the floor, stuff was everywhere. He totally trashed the whole apartment.

The next morning, I called my doctor. My regular doctor wasn't there, but I could see another doctor in the office. I went in, and when he came into the exam room, he took one look at me and said, "Oh so you got beat up, huh?" And he actually asked me why I was there. I had to tell him because the police needed documentation of my injuries. He examined me, and hurt me so badly I was crying. He was so rude, so uncaring, I felt like I was being violated all over again. I had a concussion, I was covered in bruises, I had hand prints on my throat, and my hair was falling out in clumps.

Then I went back to the police station to finish filling out the paperwork. I noticed the form said the charge was harassment. I asked why he couldn't be at least charged with assault. I was told by the detective that the criteria for a charge of assault was a broken bone or a weapon used. Since he had done neither, all they could charge him with was harassment.

I went to a Domestic Violence support group at the YWCA. I learned there that in New York if a man kicks a dog, he would automatically go to jail. But he could do anything he wanted to a woman, and as long as he didn't break a bone or use a weapon, he would never be charged with more than harassment. That seemed terribly unfair to me. I wasn't even worth the same as a dog. The dog had more value in the eyes of the law than I did.

He started bothering me again, and I tried to get an order of protection. The court told me that I didn't qualify for one because he and I were never legally married and I didn't have a child by him. We lived together, but weren't married. Once again, I wasn't good enough or worthy enough for anyone to protect.

As it turns out, my self esteem got lower and lower, after I tried to get help. I let him move back in, and it was almost another two years before I left him for good. I will never tolerate that kind of situation again, but it still saddens me that I was ready to get out, but the system totally failed me. I live in Arizona now, so I don't know if the laws in New York have changed, but I really hope they have.

Even though the NDE occurred from an act of violence, it was an amazing event. I will always remember that Light, that Love. I am not sorry he beat me up and almost killed me, because the experience of the Light was just so wonderful. Just that glimpse was worth every hurt I ever had.

A Near Death Experience
It was 1994. I was living with a man who was an active alcoholic, and what is called a "mean drunk." I was working at a group home, the 2nd shift, so I got home from work about 11:30 PM. He was already drinking, and wanted me to go out with him to buy more. He wanted me to go because I was the one who had a job and who had the money. But I was so tired, and said I did not want to go. I offered him my ATM card, but instead he threw a fit. It is sort of blurry now, all that happened. But we got into an argument about going out for alcohol, and the next thing I know, he was hitting me and choking me. I couldn't get enough air. I remember yelling at him, "I can't breathe!" and him saying, "I don't care." I started to black out. I was terrified. I just knew, this was it, I was going to die. I was so scared that he would kill me, then take off and leave my cats to starve. I didn't know who would find me or how my mother would find out. Suddenly, I was fine. I had the thought, "I am okay now. I don't have to breathe anymore." And I didn't have to. I was in the presence of this immense light. It was so huge, and so pure, and so perfect. The only word to describe it is LOVE. Total, pure, perfect LOVE. To call it God doesn't even work. Because what this being was, was totally beyond all language. It was like, once you would call it God, you are limiting it somehow, putting labels on it, trying to get it to fit in a certain box. Anyway, after what seemed like a really long time but what was probably just a few seconds, I got a thought clear as a bell in my head, "If you want to live, go for his eyes." My hands were free, and I had been trying to get his hands off my throat but he was stronger than I was and I couldn't do it. All of a sudden I had a surge of energy, even though I couldn't see anything, or hear anything, or even breathe yet. I was not scared, but I knew what to do. I took my hands and found his eyes. And as soon as I did, he let go of my throat to grab my hands. But I could breathe. I am not sure why he decided to let me go. But he did, and I got away from him, and out of the apartment. This is the end of the NDE part of the story, but not the end of the story. I can't tell the beginning without telling the rest of it. I left the apartment, and walked to the police station, which was only a few blocks away. I had told him if he wasn't gone when I got back, I would have the police remove him. I was living in Schenectady, New York, at the time, which is about 3 hours north of New York City. The police called the paramedics and called my mother. The paramedics wanted me to go to the Emergency Room, but said that I was fine if I just wanted to go to my own doctor in the morning. They gave me ice for a giant bump on my head, which I don't know how I got. My mother took me back to my apartment, and he was gone. The apartment was a disaster. The TV was on the floor, stuff was everywhere. He totally trashed the whole apartment. The next morning, I called my doctor. My regular doctor wasn't there, but I could see another doctor in the office. I went in, and when he came into the exam room, he took one look at me and said, "Oh so you got beat up, huh?" And he actually asked me why I was there. I had to tell him because the police needed documentation of my injuries. He examined me, and hurt me so badly I was crying. He was so rude, so uncaring, I felt like I was being violated all over again. I had a concussion, I was covered in bruises, I had hand prints on my throat, and my hair was falling out in clumps. Then I went back to the police station to finish filling out the paperwork. I noticed the form said the charge was harassment. I asked why he couldn't be at least charged with assault. I was told by the detective that the criteria for a charge of assault was a broken bone or a weapon used. Since he had done neither, all they could charge him with was harassment. I went to a Domestic Violence support group at the YWCA. I learned there that in New York if a man kicks a dog, he would automatically go to jail. But he could do anything he wanted to a woman, and as long as he didn't break a bone or use a weapon, he would never be charged with more than harassment. That seemed terribly unfair to me. I wasn't even worth the same as a dog. The dog had more value in the eyes of the law than I did. He started bothering me again, and I tried to get an order of protection. The court told me that I didn't qualify for one because he and I were never legally married and I didn't have a child by him. We lived together, but weren't married. Once again, I wasn't good enough or worthy enough for anyone to protect. As it turns out, my self esteem got lower and lower, after I tried to get help. I let him move back in, and it was almost another two years before I left him for good. I will never tolerate that kind of situation again, but it still saddens me that I was ready to get out, but the system totally failed me. I live in Arizona now, so I don't know if the laws in New York have changed, but I really hope they have. Even though the NDE occurred from an act of violence, it was an amazing event. I will always remember that Light, that Love. I am not sorry he beat me up and almost killed me, because the experience of the Light was just so wonderful. Just that glimpse was worth every hurt I ever had.